A Town Called Why by Rick Lenz

Author:Rick Lenz [Lenz, Rick]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780984844296
Published: 2022-02-14T16:00:00+00:00

11

“Hey, Phil,” says Gaines, “did you know women didn’t used to have breasts except when they were in the advanced stages of pregnancy, or nursing or in estrus?”

Phil finishes dumping a bag of ice into the freezer and stares at him. “Where do you get shit like that?”

“I’m interested in understanding the human condition, aren’t you? You see, women and men used to live separately and the men would only come around when the women were in estrus ...”

Phil looks at him blankly.

“... When they were in heat, Phil. And of course, all of us were still on all fours.”

This is one of the things Phil hates about being a bartender. It’s also one of the good parts—people talking to him. When Frank Gaines is just a little drunk, he likes to talk. If he’s a lot drunk, he reverts to his usual self—quiet.

“The women,” says Gaines, “started not to like that setup—the men and the women having separate societies. Then, coincidentally ... or maybe not so coincidentally, we started walking on two legs, so we could carry stuff—mostly for women who were also now on two legs, but weren’t that crazy about hauling heavy things. But we were still not around all the time, so the women started hiding their estrus, so we couldn’t tell. ... They put on clothes. And our noses weren’t so good anymore, so we couldn’t smell it either.”

Phil glances at the upper midsections of a couple of young women walking into the bar together.

“Which brings me back to the breast thing. The men could still tell when the women weren’t in estrus because their chests were flat. But one day some bright young lady said, ‘I’ve got it!’”

Gaines watches the two young women sit down at a table, both of them at angles that would cause most men to take clandestine notice of their upper torsos.

“And this smart lady said, ‘We’ll just evolve our fair sex so our breasts are engorged and full and seductive all the time and that’ll make them want to be around us forevermore, and then we can have babies when we want to, and when we don’t want to, they can carry stuff for us.’”

He stares at Phil, who’s wondering what the hell he’s talking about, and why. “I may have asked you this before,” Gaines says, “but how do you think some of us got to be so ... I don’t know, heartless? What the hell was the purpose for some of us evolving into being so greedy and unkind? What use is that to even the unkind one, to the abuser, the inflictor of pain on others? All it really accomplishes is to make us nervous that other people may be even a little bit like we are, and therefore sort of nerve-racking to be around.”

“You tell me. You’re the cop.”

“Yes, I am. And I ought to know the answer to a question like that. And why does a man steal stuff just so he can bullshit

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